18. What was the last life lesson you learnt?

18. What was the last life lesson you learnt?

Haha, this actually happened yesterday. I was listening to a sermon by J.S. Park and it really shed a light on somethings. 

He talked about how he met this one pastor before and immediately disliked him. He even got into a fight with him in the parking lot and they were really heated up. Later, that pastor apologized but he didn't have it. Eventually, J.S. decided to forgive this pastor and they began to hang out. They went out for coffee, picked eachother up, and this pastor he intensely disliked became on of his best friends. He soon realized that there were all this things going on in this pastors life and he had a hard past which was the reason he acted the way he did to J.S.

Look, someone's gonna piss the heck out of you. Like someone is going to make you furiciously mad and you're going to hate them, but in the midst of your madness, if possible, give the following a shot.

Think about what must have happened in their past to make them act this way. 

That snappy waitress at your favorite restaurant might be so snappy because she's been up all night taking care of her triplets and wondering why her husband didn't bother to come home for the third night in a row. 

That kid obsessed with pot and smoking through the hallways like it's nobody's business might have been the very same kid who tried so hard to be someone different from his alcoholic father but has been constantly told elsewise. He might be the same kid that tried and tried to get back up after being knocked down countless times, but eventually snapped, and got tired of picking himself up with bloody palms and scratched knees. 

Everyone has a past, whether you want to believe it or not. That homeless man on the street didn't just end up on the street for not doing his homework for Spanish class. No, he might have lost his wife and experienced the pain of watching your own life fall into shambles despite trying so hard to keep everything together. 

Everyone, and I mean everyone, has a story. Look, I'm not perfect and I tend to judge people a lot. I find it immensely hard to consider someone's past when I'm more pissy than the grinch, but it's still worth a try. 

J.S. Park's sermon --> http://thewayeverlasting.libsyn.com/the-reckless-relentless-sloppy-grace-of-god

I don't know if you want to listen to it because I get if you think Christianity is kinda whack these days (I don't blame you), but he's not ranting about hating gays or being republican or any of that bullcrap. He's just sharing some valid points that can help everyone love eachother a bit more when we're constantly surrounded by hate. 

Relationships

Do you want to be in a relationship?

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Aight, yes and no.

When I read my lovely cliches and watch my unrealistically cute movies, I get kinda grossed out. I mean, it's cute and all at first and i would love something like that, but it gets so unrealistic and mushy to the point where it grosses me out.

I kind of have an idea of what relationships are like based off of what some people I look up to say. It's tough. You're learning to love the good in a person (which isn't that hard) but also learning to love that bad parts of them too. The messy, gross, selfish side of them and that takes a heck lot of selflessness and unconditional love. 

It sounds all nice but when you really think about it, it's hard. It's hard enough to love ourselves when we look and see the horrible parts of our heart but to love someone else's as well? It's hard.

It's hard to give your 100% everyday for that person despite getting maybe 60% back because relationships aren't about how much the other person gives, it's about what YOU give and it's about giving your ALL. You can't go into one halfheartedly and expect It to last because it won't and that's hard. It's hard giving it your all.

It's hard getting through differences between you and your partner and finding your way through the foggy and murky waters. It's hard holding onto each other during the tough times.

Relationships are hard.

At the same time, it's beautiful. It's beautiful how you love someone so much and how you can notice small things about them, like how their eyes crinkle when they laugh or the way they furrow their eyebrows when they're deep in thought and it's beautiful. It's beautiful how they could hate the size of their nose so much or the way their dimples pop out when they smile, yet that could be what you love most about them. It's beautiful.

It's beautiful and hard, which is why my answer is yes and no.

But hey, the heck does a kid know about this stuff anyways. 

What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?

This question is from another website.

Warning --

This post is going to be sappy.

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What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?

My whole life would be different. This is something I dream of happening -- living with the knowledge that no one, I mean NO ONE, is going to judge me (and I hope to do the same thing and judge no one as well).

I can walk through the school hallways without feeling the need to keep my head down or locked onto an empty school wall with decaying paint. I walk confidently and know no one is silently muttering "she's so ugly and creepy" underneath their breath. 

I can talk to my friends loudly and boldly and not have to constantly keep my voice at practically a whisper in class. To prevent people from hearing what I have to say and judgment. 

I can wear whatever I want without having to worry about others looking at me like I'm a pathetic creature.

I can be ME and I desperately want to be ME because ME is always being trapped and caged in by OTHERS. 

Well, maybe it's not like that at all. Maybe ME is being trapped and caged by ME.

I just hate always feeling as if people are judging me like crazy (especially dudes because I feel like the opposite of what any guy, other than really creepy dudes, would ever bother getting to know) and I just want to be free from it all.

I should be free from it, but I'm not. I just don't want to leave this earth without being free from the judgement, even if it's not really there.

It's easy to say you're 98% sure no ones judging you but there's always that 2% and that 2% always seems to overshadow the 98% (credit to J.S. Park for bringing that analogy into existence).

I just hate this. I hate it so much and I want to enjoy my highschool years without worrying about this crap. 

38. What you want to be when you grow up {yes, there’s still time}

Doing another one of these because I like them and it lets off a load.

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38. What you want to be when you grow up {yes, there’s still time}

The answer to this question, for me, has changed a zillion times.

I originally wanted to a popster at the wonderful age of probably 6 or 7 (I blame all that Hannah Montanna).

I think later along the years, I wanted to be an FBI profiler. It sounded pretty hardcore at the time (and still does), but I eventually realized it just wasn't my thing. I thought of being an interior designer or graphic designer because I wanted to do something which involved creativity, but I'm not so sure about that anymore. This year, I've considered a writer, but the only way that would work is if I became a journalist or something, and I'm not into that type of writing. I guess it's more of a hobby than something I can base my future on. 

Eventually I found myself thinking about psychology, but I changed my mind (again).

Months ago, I said I wanted to be a life coach or counselor. I forgot about that for a good while but a week or so ago, I realized how much I want to do it. I like the idea of helping people who feel as if their whole world was shattered and feel as if the pieces are too sharp to pick up. I like the idea of sitting down with a single mother who barely has enough strength to support her family or a teenager ready to take his own life and helping them. Maybe I just sound crazy, but I really love the idea. I know it would be hard, I know that would require me to get my own life in check because I don't really have much together. I know that would require me to grow up and mature, but I still want to do it. I know it would be hard, but it's worth it.

I'm still young, that dream can change anytime at any moment, but for now, I'm liking it. I probably sound a kid who was too inspired by a motivational video starring Oprah Winfrey, but I can't help it. It's just how I am and how I feel. 

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Not sure if I want to do another one of these today, but who knows. It seriously does let off a load. 

Anyways, you should try it with me.

I feel like I'm making these answers way deeper and heavier than they should be but whatever. Yolo. 

Forget I said that ^^

Oh, and isn't this place absolutely gorgeous? 

34. Who people think you are, compared to who you really are

I couldn't figure out what to blog about so I looked up "cool blog topics" on Google and I found this website with a list of them. I guess I can try to do all of them, but if so, I'm not doing them in any particular order.

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34. Who people think you are, compared to who you really are

How I believe people think I am: I'm 99.8999 percent sure people believe I'm a nobody, and if they do see me as somebody, they see me as an angry or boring somebody.

When I went to Tennessee a couple of years ago, I remember everyone constantly telling me I always looked angry. These two adults were having a conversation about me right in front of me, as if I weren't there, and they were like "give her a couple of years, maybe she'll start to be like her sister." Am I not enough as I am? 

At school, kids look at me and don't think much. I'm just the kid who doesn't really doesn't talk much and i remember some kids even coming up to me and saying "do you ever laugh?" and once again, they were having a conversation right in front of me about how I don't laugh and I felt so uncomfortable. I felt pressured to laugh and whenever I forced an artificial laugh to escape my lips, they looked at me and said "wait does that count as a laugh?" 

You just can't please anyone around here. 

Who I really am: I'm a sarcastic ball of fire who gets inspired far too easily and worries way too much. I do admit, it is hard to make me laugh, but there's always that warm feeling inside me that forms whenever someone tells a joke. Even if I'm not laughing externally, I'm definitely smiling internally. I wish to speak every single language and write a story filled with depth that puts all the cliche's out there to shame. I'm currently working on it but it's hard to keep going when I lack the motivation. I'm not always angry, in fact, I'm never angry. I do, though, get moved by certain things really easily. I rant a lot but I'm not angry, just upset or disappointed, but not angry or mad (if that even makes sense). I'm just a kid who wishes to be anything but. Maybe I haven't exactly come to terms and accepted who I am, but I'm over hating myself and assuming that everything people say about me is true because it's not and they're wrong. I hope anyone reading this can also believe that about themselves.

Welp, I think that's all. I actually enjoyed writing this and I might even do another.

You (you know who you are) should do it with me. 

Pretty please. 

Do it with me.

http://fatmumslim.com.au/sweet-ideas-50-things-to-blog-about/